


day by day, it fades it away

by appleofmysirius



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Break Up, F/M, Self-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-14 21:48:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29178240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/appleofmysirius/pseuds/appleofmysirius
Summary: Inspired by Haru Haru by Big Bang.Because I have no regrets from loving you, so only take the good memories
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Reader, Sugawara Koushi/Reader
Kudos: 9





	day by day, it fades it away

Autumn. Red leaves fall from the trees and Akaashi’s boots make soft crunching noises as he walks to your apartment after class. You were lucky enough to obtain an off-campus apartment while he lived at home still. The air is crisp, biting against his cheeks; they turn red with cold. Hands in his coat pockets, Akaashi continues down the path, watching a single orange leaf fall and twirl towards him. It lands on his shoulder, he brushes it off. 

Your apartment was straight out of a storybook. Plants littered everywhere, coffee rings on an old table, magazines dog-eared and strewn across the living room. The foster cat of the month sitting by the shoe cabinet, in his little warm cat bed. He loved it, it was like a home to him. He belonged there, with you, your grumpy foster cats, your plants, filled with love. There was a lived-in homeliness to your place which he craved for, helped in no small part that you were in the center of it all. 

Akaashi greets you with a kiss to the lips, squeezing your shoulder as he sheds his jacket and places it on the coat rack. He passes you the vegetables you asked him to pick up for dinner, washing his hands and rolling up the sleeves of his sweater so he can stand by your side and help you with the cooking. 

Fried rice; it’s methodological in its approach. Cook the vegetables and the meat, add the rice, season the mixture, add the eggs, combine, serve. He goes through the motions, adding a sprinkle of chilli flakes on your plate because he knows that’s what you like. 

The two of you sit in front of the television, watching the news and then some drama re-run. Akaashi collects your plates and washes them, brews a mug of tea for himself, makes a cup of cocoa for you. 

You sip from your beverages in silence, Akaashi leaning his head against yours. When you’re done, you collect the cups and place them in your sink. Akaashi gets ready to have a shower and spend the night but you stop him.

“Keiji,” you say, retrieving a box of something from your bedroom, “I’ve been thinking about this for awhile. I want to break up.” 

He nearly falls to the floor in shock. Akaashi struggles to get his voice out as he asks why, you push the box of his things into his arms. 

“Well,” you say, “We’re graduating soon. I know you have a job; I don’t. I want to travel.”

“We can be together even if you travel,” he pleads, “I can wait.”

“I don’t want that,” you shake your head. 

“A clean break,” you tell him, kissing his cheek, “It’s the best I can give you.”

\--

The months before and after graduation pass. He goes through the motions like always, waking up, doing his work, going to class, revising, calling his mother, replying to Bokuto’s instagram stories, hopelessly stalking your instagram profile in hopes that you’d indicate in any way possible that you wanted him back. Maybe you were thinking about him too when you posted that picture of your mug of tea- you never drank tea.

(What he doesn’t know is that you’ve been trying to acclimatise yourself towards tea after signing up for a tea tour around Taiwan.)

Or maybe in the way you posted that sad breakup song on your Instagram stories- you were hurting like he was, weren’t you? 

(No- your favourite band was releasing a new single; you were listening to some of their older songs.) 

Akaashi looks for signs, longing for the hope that you miss him too, that you wish you hadn’t thrown him away the way that you did. At graduation, he seeks you out regardless, engulfing you in a tight hug. 

Your parents give him a sad smile, your mother even wishing you were staying in Japan with him. He doesn’t let that go unnoticed, turning to you expectantly but you merely shake your head and laugh in his and your mother’s faces. 

“As if!” You say, hands on your hips, “Mom, Keiji, the both of you know I’m a free spirit! I was meant to travel, not stay here forever.” 

You clap his back, going off to speak to Bokuto, who came down for his graduation. He watches you go, not for the first time, with a frown. 

\--

Work for him is characterised by a temperamental boss, an eccentric  _ mangaka _ , late nights and early mornings. Editing manga is one of the last things he wanted to do, envisioning a life of sitting at his desk and pouring through literature as he worked his magic in the realm of words. He’d come home, have dinner and settle by your side with a mug of tea, eyes shut as he immersed himself in his own work, his own book that he was writing, titled ‘Keiji’s WIP_do not open.doc’. 

Currently, though, the document is blank. You’re in Taiwan, and he suspects you’re having a fling with your tour partner, with how often he features in your stories, how familiar you seem to be getting with him. Akaashi watches the stories on his train ride home, convenience store bento in hand as he heads back for another night of burning the midnight oil. 

Udai’s manuscript in hand, he works until his wall clock signifies that it’s midnight. He heads to bed, folding his glasses and having his supplements and a glass of water, crawling into the warm covers. He lives on his own now, his job paying just enough for him to rent a small flat about half an hour away from work. 

He checks your instagram story reel once more before bed, finally falling asleep with your smiling face in his mind. 

\--

You broke up with your Taiwanese tour guide. You’re in Norway now, hiking the mountains. There’s a guy who Akaashi thinks looks like a viking- thick blond hair twisted into a braid, a scruffy blond beard and piercing blue eyes. You post a picture of the two of you kissing on your instagram, with the caption ‘in love with love’. 

He sighs, tucking his phone into his pocket and finishing his purchase at Family Mart. Onigiri and milk tea in hand, he walks back up to his office. 

How are you in love with love? Did you like the idea of love- did that mean you liked being in love with him, but you weren’t actually in love with him? Or maybe you were sending out a sign that these flings were fun but you craved a real romance, a real relationship like what the two of you had. 

He should message you. Perhaps it’s divine intervention that interrupts his fingers mid-message. Bokuto is calling him.

“Hi Akaashi!” He greets brightly, “How are you?”

“I’m fine,” answers Akaashi politely, wondering why Bokuto was calling him.

“I,” his voice falters, “I saw that Y/N posted a picture of her trip in Norway. Are you alright? It’s okay if it hurts, man, I know you really loved her.”

An erroneous statement for- “I still love her.”

“Akaashi,” Bokuto has never sounded more like an adult than he has right now, “Please let go. I know you love her and that she was special, but she broke your heart and ran away.” 

“Bokuto, you don’t understand.” 

“No,” Bokuto’s voice sounds so steady, “I do. Akaashi, the heart can bounce back from a lot, but only if you let it.”

Well, Akaashi tells himself, that’s alright. He loves you, and one day maybe he’ll love you less. But he’s not capable of fully letting go. He will heal; maybe he won’t bounce back swinging like Bokuto might, but he’ll heal like the changing of the leaves, gradual, eventual, slow. Parts of him may fall on the floor on the way, but there is a destination in his mind. He envisions a life where he’s unencumbered by the feeling of heartbreak. 

\--

Udai is up for an award. As part of his preparation, he’s working on another special chapter in addition to his monthly one. Akaashi resultantly spends more time at work or in Udai’s small flat than he does anywhere else. The submissions go through, envelope licked and sealed and sent to the main office. They both bite back a sigh of relief, bone-weary and tired, falling into their chairs. 

But Udai wants to celebrate so they go to an izakaya.

“Man,” Udai whines, “Work fucking sucks sometimes. I mean, I love work- maybe not as much as you- but I just want time to chill.” 

“Such is the nature of our industry,” Akaashi comments. 

“You’re so,” Udai chews on his truffle edamame, “uh, what’s the word?”

Introspective, Akaashi thinks with a hint of pride.

“Gloomy!” Udai answers, satisfied. 

“You think I’m gloomy?” Akaashi asks, taken aback. 

“Yeah,” he Udai nods, crooking a finger at the waitress to refill his beer, “You’re always getting into your head. Relax, speak your mind and most importantly, just chill, man. No one wants a worrywart.”

“My ex used to say I was cute for how much I worried,” Akaashi rebuts.

“That’s girl talk for she finds it charming because she’s in love. I guarantee you she doesn’t think the same anymore, I mean you guys broke up.” 

Udai continues, “Man, I dated this girl for awhile. She was a classmate from high school- total free spirit, hot as fuck, blond hair, piercings, everything. Dumped me because she wanted to bike around Japan. Six months later, she’s settling down with my high school classmate- who is for all accounts and purposes a complete pushover. Never thought she’d go for someone like him but they’re so happy together.” 

“I promise you, Akaashi,” he says, slamming his beer glass down, “The one that comes after you is going to hurt you like a bitch.” 

\--

Summer rounds out his year since you broke up with him. Udai is working on the final leg of his manga series, there are plans for his next title after he takes a break from everything. Akaashi’s already been scheduled to another  _ mangaka _ , this time a young woman who’s writing a historical battle manga. 

Akaashi is doing his research in a cafe, reading a book on the Warring States period, along with an iced tea and a blueberry scone. He nearly spits his scone out when he sees you enter, hand in hand with a grey-haired man. 

You look so different, wearing a pair of boots and your hair cropped to just below your jawline. Gone is the canvas tote, in its stead, a pink net bag and your lips are now painted a dark purple too. But your eyes, the carefree, youthful spirit in your eyes, so bright and cheerful, it remains the same. 

Akaashi checks your instagram page for any mentions of this grey-haired man, but there are none. You turn around just then, a glint of something on your finger. Akaashi swallows hard when the realisation hits him.

Udai was right- you’ve moved on to someone who makes you happier, something more suited to your post-metamorphosis self who isn’t stuck editing manga and being gloomy about life, nursing a year-long broken heart. 

He rises, walking straight home instead of taking the train, anything to get his mind off how horrible he feels, how mangled his heart is and yet it still beats, pumping blood and keeping him alive in his miserable existence. He collapses on his bed, still in his jeans and calls Bokuto.

“Akaashi!” Bokuto greets, “Just the man I was looking for. I wanted to tell you something.”

“What is it?” He asks. 

“You know how Hinata is on my team?” Bokuto asks, “Well, apparently his senior from High School is dating Y/N now! It’s such a small world we live in!” 

“Bokuto,” he chokes out, “I saw them today. They’re engaged.” 

“I’m sure they’re not!” Bokuto exclaims, “But anyways, you’ve moved on, right?”

“No,” Akaashi whispers pitifully, “No I haven’t. I still love her and I miss her so much.” 

“Akaashi,” Bokuto doesn’t sound like he pities him or like he looks down on Akaashi for feeling this way, just genuine concern for his friend, “I know you’re hurting, you can let it out, it’s okay. But you need to let go of her, it’s not healthy for you. Please, I’m worried about you.” 

They talk a bit more until Akaashi is overcome with the urge to cry into his pillows and he hangs up. And then Akaashi proceeds to do just that- cry into his pillows, letting tears stream down his face as they run over the cracks in his heart. 

When he wakes up in the middle of the night, groggy and tired and sticky tear stains on his cheeks, he notices a message from Bokuto.

_ Don’t worry, Akaashi. They’re not even engaged apparently, she just wears that ring because she likes it! Oh, and his name is Sugawara.  _

He shuts his phone off and heads back to sleep. 

\-- 

The reunion takes place at one of Bokuto’s games. Except, you’re on the other side of the stadium, there to support both MSBY and MSBY’s opponents, the Adlers. Kageyama Tobio plays in the latter team, a high school junior of your boyfriend. You notice him lingering in the entrance, where he’s actually waiting for Udai to return from the washroom, and jog over to him.

“Hi, Keiji! I haven’t seen you in a long time!” You beam, bumping his arm with your shoulder.

“Hey, man,” Sugawara greets, reaching for a handshake.

Akaashi realises he is the grey-haired reserved setter from Karasuno as he reaches forward to reciprocate the handshake. Sugawara then tucks you under his arm, mentioning that you need to get to your seats. 

You ask to linger behind, passing Akaashi a knowing look. Sugawara heads off. 

“Keiji,” you ask him, “How are you? Bokuto told me you’ve been stressed from work.”

The ‘and other things,’ goes unheard. So Akaashi asks the question he wants to ask but doesn’t want to know the answer to.

“So, Sugawara?” He asks in as mild of a tone as he can manage, keeping his expression neutral, hoping nothing belies the extreme hurt he’s keeping inside. 

“He’s great,” you laugh, “We’re thinking of taking off in a few months, maybe backpack across Europe.”

“Oh, you’re not settling down with him?” Akaashi asks.

“What?” Your eyes bug out of your head, “No! He’s more like a guy I like and I enjoy spending time with, but it’s nothing serious, you know.” 

“So, a fling?” He presses.

You roll your eyes, heading into the stadium, “You don’t need to put a label to everything, you know?” 

\--

Udai’s warning comes true- almost. You and Sugawara make a home in the Swedish countryside, a dog and a cat join your family. The two of you apparently decide against marriage because ‘labels are antiquated’ or so your instagram says. It still hurts, but the you on screen is living a life so far away from what Akaashi wants that he thinks the shock of it all will ebb away into a mild throb. 

He loves you, he always will. But he’s now realising he doesn’t want to be with you. Summer fades to fall; heartbreak fades to acceptance. 

**Author's Note:**

> hello! i hope you've enjoyed! find me on tumblr @forgetou


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